"Life is a spiraling whirlwind of stressful things I cannot contain or control. Let me count the ways..."
Did I ever tell you about the time I got the big promotion and an accompanying pay cut? No? Well it’s a lovely story – and as today’s thing is a direct result of it, here’s a few highlights:
In 2008, I was an hourly employee on a team that was working on a major project. The project was hugely successful. I was promoted into a new position where I manage the processes we implemented with the project. The timing of this promotion coincided with a major downturn in the economy where hourly employees were being asked to take voluntary time off and stuff. I was made into a salaried employee and have earned approximately two-thirds of what I earned in 2007 since. Oh, did I mention that when this pay change happened my wife was 5 months pregnant with our third child?
Since then, my family and I have been through some pretty rough patches: a serious foreclosure scare, broken down cars with no way to get to work, scraping together meals just trying to get through the next pay check… you get the idea. And while all this stress was going on at home, at work I am in a high-profile position working with individuals at the highest levels of the corporation. I am seen as one of the forefront business leaders. Yet as I am picking up packages of ramen on the way home to feed the kids, my peers are leaving early to pick up their clubs in their new BMWs to hit the links.
Grating. Demoralizing. Frustrating. Feel free to add your own –ing.
So hey – this is all history, right? It’s 2011 now and things must have gotten better by now… Well, a little. As long as nothing out of the ordinary happens. Like a birthday. Or Christmas. Or a vacation.
Ah, vacation. Today is my first day of Summer vacation. We’ve been planning it for a few weeks. We made some reservations at a hotel near an amusement park to meet up with some family for a long weekend and everything. And the pay schedule worked out that I’d come into some extra funds a few days ahead of time. Perfect. Almost.
Last week I found out that “due to the Fourth of July holiday” things were delayed and the extra bucks we had planned our vacation around weren’t going to be available until after the vacation is over. So… no cash to actually do things during said vacation. We can get to the amusement park and the hotel is already paid for, but we can’t afford to do stuff like actually get into the park or feed the kids.
Over the past couple of years I’ve had several moments where things seemed really hopeless. And to be honest, this is one of the less ‘life-critical’ moments to fall apart over. But you know, being in a desperate financial position for an extended period is wearing. And over time I’ve gotten to the point where if someone at work asks me to go to lunch and I say “no thanks” (but really mean “I can’t afford to”), I’m nearly in tears as they walk away. Fucking miserable.
Today is my son’s 2 year birthday party. I’m a ball of stress. People are coming to our house and I need to host. I need to feed them. I need to make a cake. I need to keep people entertained. I need to leave them with the perception that I am not at any moment going to shatter into a million pieces like a cheap clear beer bottle tinkling down a steep paved hill and that instead I am a successful professional who has things under control and is going on a wonderful vacation where my kids will not want for anything and life is good and I am happy.
Pray for me.
