However Long It Takes…

It’s not like I’m the only patriotic person in America. And there are far better writers writing far better takes on the death of Osama bin Laden. But I feel like I need to get this out, so here goes.

There aren’t too many people in the civilized world who, if they were alive at the time, wouldn’t say they were strongly affected by the events of September 11, 2001. I was extremely affected. I remember the nights after the attacks, looking up into the sky and seeing the stars above and realizing: this is the first time, and probably the last time I will see a full, clear sky with no passing planes. Our entire continental United States was declared a no-fly zone for all commercial flights for a couple of days, and I remember it being kind of eerie, the calm quiet after the horrific storm.

On September 10th, 2011, my wife and I were pretty sure she was carrying our first child, and there was hope in the air. On September 11th, that hope was replaced with fear for the future of our country, our stability, our child’s life. I remember wondering what sort of world he would grow up in – Would he live in fear that the bus he was riding to work may be carrying a suicide bomber, moments away from violently disrupting American civility? Would he be forced to move to the wilderness with limited resources, for fear of the live warfare happening in the cities and former peaceful suburbs? My mind reeled with these extreme visions of Apocalyptic horror. Because I had seen the towers fall. I had seen people so frightened of the climbing flames that they jumped to their deaths, choosing a peaceful plunge over suffocation and burning.

By the time our first son was born on May 2nd, 2002, Ground Zero was well underway of being cleared, and much of the fear in the United States had been replaced with a dangerous mix of unwavering patriotism and bloodlust for the man behind the attacks, and frankly anyone who resembled him – even if only by nationality or race. Every house had a flag hung high, the economy was struggling but showing signs of coming back around and we had hope again. We supported the war in Afghanistan and were eagerly awaiting pictures on TV of Bin Laden’s head on a stick being paraded down the streets of Kabul, while onlookers threw rocks and garbage at it. But that didn’t come.

Then Saddam Hussein started acting up again. So we started telling playground rumors that he was mixing mustard gas in his bathtub and was going to gas his civilian population and then he was going to gas New York City and school children would die. And the political cartoonists made him look a little more like Bin Laden, and the lines were blurred.  And with the full might of our patriotic, bloodlusty military, we went in and pulled him from a dirty hole and hung him in the streets while people threw rocks and garbage and we cheered. But the glow of our national orgasm wouldn’t last for long, and when our blue balls started to ache for victory and returning heroes we got impatient and got all crazy for domestic regime change. So urgent was our need for change, we didn’t even want to see another old white guy in office. And we voted in a guy whose name rhymes with Osama, just so we could make him feel stupid until he either ended the war or brought us Bin Laden’s head on a stick.

Today is May 2nd, 2011. Today my son is 9 years old. Today Osama bin Laden is dead.

Every September 11th, I am brought to tears by some fucking TV news retrospective. I feel stupid when I cry over it. But I can’t help it. It was fucking tragic, and every year I am overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness and anxiety that the world can come crumbling down and kill my children. Today I cried again. I was driving to work. I had already heard that Bin Laden had been killed, but it didn’t really hit me until I was by myself on the highway listening to of all fucking things the new Beastie Boys album. I simply realized I had tears in my eyes. And when the tears stopped I felt better.

Now I know the war’s not over. As a matter of fact, I expect something bad will happen quickly - as all those mother fucking, murdering, freedom-hating, religious fucknuts decide who the new leader of the symbolic America destroyers will be. People will die, and it will be sad. But I feel like a weight has been lifted. I have a little closure. And today I will celebrate the 9 years of my son’s life knowing that there is one less evil out there for him to be afraid of.

The Apocolypse is Here... But That's OK

So I hear it's the end of the world. I hear the economy is collapsing and the country's infrastructure is caving in. I hear that people are miserable and starving and don't have health insurance and the water is bad and the weather is changing and it's all my fault. I find it hard to believe. What the fuck did I do?

To be honest, my home economy is looking up: the job is busy as ever, I have all the overtime I can handle (still working 60+ hours a week), gas and oil prices are going down just in time for the heating season and my biggest worry is trying to SAVE enough EXTRA money for Xmas. Am I just lucky, or is it not as bad as they're telling me?

Unlike previous years, I haven't kept up on the election. I've been a casual observer this time around. Ultimately, I get the feeling it won't really matter either way; Washington is unable to make any real change in peoples lives these days. For all the fist banging and pontificating, not much will change over the next four years (excepting catastrophic event of course). Philosophically, I lean to the right I guess, so I'll vote McCain. I don't like the government having too much of my money and giving it away on my behalf. When I hear that the US gave billions of dollars in foreign aid or to help out victims of some typhoon or something, I feel I've done my part. I no longer feel obligated to give charitably as in effect the government has done so for me. If the government gave away less, and in turn TOOK LESS FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, I would be inclined to give and ultimately be a better member of society. I don't like the government making these decisions for me. I prefer a government that trusts me to do the right thing.

Anyhoo, back to the coming Armageddon... I actually have been pretty worried about the state of things. But really, it's all rooted in what I see on TV. My neighbors seem happy enough as do my coworkers. There's a general state of malaise and melancholy, but again I think it's coming more from what people BELIEVE is happening as opposed to what is happening to anyone. Sure there are tangible signs of bad mojo in the air, but those can always be found when you look for them.

The only real thing that has happened over the past few weeks is the stock market crash. My 401k lost some big potential bucks there. And a lot of other people lost imaginary money too. And I guess that sucks. When you have your hopes and dreams wrapped up in the promise of invisible wealth it must be disturbing to your sleep and lifestyle as the smoke is blown away. Sorta like trying to drink water with your hands: you can get a good gulp now and again, but you can't hold on. In the end it flows through your fingers.

I prefer to keep my dreams close. I will work to the day I die as it is clear there will not be such a concept as "retirement" when I get there. But as long as my sons grow to be men I can be proud of and they proud of me then fuck the smoke dollars. I'll get by and things will be OK. As they are today.