A Change of Pace

Life is a whirl...

One day I was sitting around thinking about nothing when my youngest son walked up to me and said "Daddy, whatchdoin'?"

"Nothing," I replied a little gruffer than necessary. It had been a long day at work, the wife was a bit on edge, and thinking about nothing sounded like a nice temporary break.

"Daddy, play with me."

I said nothing. I looked him straight in the eye. He stared straight back. In my mind I raced through all the things I wanted him to know; the right way to be around people, how to handle assholes, when it's OK to have fun and when you must stand your ground. I passed through all the love I have for him, his brother and my wife. I shared the stupid things I've done in hopes that he may learn my lessons without him having to feel my pains. We moved on to responsibilities and what it takes to be a man. How working too much in an effort to better yourself and your family can be noble unless it becomes excessive and obsessive. Then it's just time away from home. I transferred my hopes for the future and the horrors of my past, the things I've never told anyone and the things anyone could plainly see if they cared enough to look.

His eyes are deep and pure. They hold the endless enthusiasm and hope that I must fight to preserve in him. I fear the day he starts to lose his innocence and passion for living. It happens to all of us, but maybe not him... not him. He's special. He makes chaos. He makes joy. He makes love. He makes fun.

His eyes shift and the thread frays and snaps.

"Daddy, play with me."

I smile, get up, grab his hand and follow him... wherever he wants me to go.