Too much work and no play makes FM a dull boy...

As stated, I have a wife and two kids. The Missus and I have made the decision that it is best for the kids for her to stay home with them until they are in school all day. Then she can break away and finish school and ultimately have a career. We own a house and a couple of used cars. Yup, we're poor. Not like there are "red envelope" bills in the mail or constant harassing phone calls at dinner time, but there's no extra money for fun. Heck, there's no extra money for necessities. Luckily, I have a pretty good job and am paid by the hour. So I work. A lot.

As I write this, I am on a lunch break smack dab in the middle of my standard 11 hour day. My commute is 45minutes to an hour, one-way. So I'm away from home for a grand total of 13 hours. Sometimes when work is especially busy I work 12 or 13 hour days. That's 14 - 15 hours away from home. With 2 meals and some hygiene time, there's little time for sleep. Sleep is my enemy.

My enemy follows me from waking to sleep. It attempts to overcome me during waking hours. It taunts me with its comfortable embrace at inappropriate times. My safety is far from its concern. It tries to drive me off the road and jogs my coordination. It clouds my judgment and makes me think things are far more extreme than they are, good or bad. It waits for me when I least expect it, then pounces on me and makes me a liability. It makes me poor company. Quiet night at home = nodding off on the couch.

The wife and I struggle through my not being around so much. The big kicker: when I am around, I'm tired. I play it like I'm not, but I am. All the time. Sometimes I try to cover it up by hiding my exhaustion behind a veil of caffeine. After a stretch of 5 or 6 days of 4 1/2 - 5 hours of sleep each, the jig is up; I'm tired and there's no denying it. A pot of coffee after dinner can't keep my eyes open. But if I succumb to sleep after large amounts of caffeine I have nothing to look forward to but numb limbs and rolling and twisting dreams. Restful it is not. So the battle rages on between the Beast and me. Yin and Yang, light and dark, wet and dry, bitter and sweet - endlessly dancing and cutting and swiping until cold, dark and weary we collapse into each other and the pent up restfulness of years is loosed like a wave. And I drink deep. And sleep, forever sleep.

I need some more coffee.